For most of my life, I felt like I didn’t belong. I was the weirdo who stuck out: too loud (“sit quietly, like a good girl”), too passionate (“why are you so excited about stupid stuff?”), too confident (“boys like girls who aren’t smarter than them”), too intimidating.
I was always TOO MUCH.
I tried with all of my might to fit into a cramped, undersized box. I did my best, I swear.
I remember music soothing my wounds at a very young age. You should have seen the excitement I had in kindergarten for our weekly music classes! That excitement has NEVER waned. Throughout my childhood, I participated in every musical program I could get into. For a little girl growing up at the poverty level in rural Upstate New York, there weren’t many opportunities.
It didn’t matter. Music and performance were my salvation.
They still are.
Some time around the eleventh grade, Society won the internal war I waged on myself. I gave up my dream of being a musician and trudged a long, meaningless road.
That is, until my children were born. I had found purpose, again. But there was still something missing. A hole in my heart that nothing could fill.
Nothing but SINGING and PLAYING MUSIC.
By this time, I had written a number of songs that reflected the joys, sorrows and challenges of life on life’s terms. I didn’t feel worthy of the privilege to play music professionally, so I kept them to myself.
Now, here I am in my early forties – finally making it as a bona fide professional musician. I have taken a few of those songs to create my seminal album, Right Kind of Complicated. It has been both a terrifying and terrific road that I continue to travel on, learning more about myself and humanity as I go.
I don’t know what the future holds for this newbie to the music industry. I do know this:
IT’S NEVER TOO LATE.
What have you got to lose? Time will pass regardless of how you choose to use it – and have you noticed that critics and naysayers are usually the ones who are comfortable in the boxes they are stuffed in?
Shine your light and write that book, finish that screenplay, take that painting class, run that 10k, start that podcast! Do it now. You’re not too old and it’s NOT TOO LATE. Dissenters and critics be damned!
We have one life. One. That’s it.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for joining me on my musical journey. I am so excited to create and perform music for you. Your love and support keep me moving. The risk-taking, hours and hours of practice and rehearsing, overcoming writer’s block, it’s all worth it.
Not only do I look forward to entertaining you with my own art, I also look forward to reading your finished screenplay, admiring your first painting subscribing to your first podcast and hearing about your “”late bloomer” successes.
Let’s live our best lives NOW! I mean, why not? Better late than never….
Love and courage,
“A fruitless year, takes a fearless heart
One that blooms late will flourish in the dark”
― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile
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